Helping Girls Love Who They Are
6 min read Ā· The Harlyn Rose Team
Before the world tells her who she should be, help her fall in love with who she already is. š¹
Before the world tells her who she should be, help her fall in love with who she already is. š¹
There will be plenty of voices trying to tell our girls who they should be.
Be prettier. Be quieter. Be more popular. Fit in. Stand out. Get the best grades. Make the team. Wear this. Don't wear that. Be more like her.
And somewhere in all that noise, one of the most important things we can give a girl is a strong sense of who she is and why that girl is already worthy of love.
At Harlyn Rose Girlsā¢, we believe confidence isn't about raising girls who think they're perfect.
It's about raising girls who know they don't have to be.
As Leadership Strategist and top podcast host Damesha Craig says:
āTeach a girl to love who she is before the world teaches her who it thinks she should be.ā ā Damesha Craig
That kind of self-love can become a foundation she carries with her for years.
Let Her Be Her
Maybe she's loud and hilarious.
Maybe she's quiet and observant.
Maybe she wants soccer cleats instead of sparkly shoes.
Maybe she wants both.
Maybe she loves books, bugs, basketball, ballet, coding, painting, animals, science, fashion, or making up songs in the back seat of the car.
Let her explore.
Sometimes, without realizing it, adults begin creating a picture of who a child is supposed to become. But girls also need space to discover their own interests, strengths, personalities, and dreams.
Ask her:
"What do YOU like?"
"What do YOU think?"
"What would YOU choose?"
Those questions communicate something powerful:
Who you are matters to me.
Compliment What's Inside, Too
Of course, tell her she's beautiful.
But make sure beauty isn't the most interesting thing she hears about herself.
Tell her:
"I love how curious you are."
"That was really brave."
"You're such a thoughtful friend."
"I noticed you didn't give up."
"You have great ideas."
"I love the way you think."
A girl's identity should have deep roots.
Research-backed guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics emphasizes that children's self-esteem is supported by belonging, competence, responsibility, meaningful choices, encouragement, and acceptance of mistakes, not simply praise or achievement.
Don't Make Perfection the Price of Pride
She doesn't need straight A's for you to be proud of her.
She doesn't have to score the winning goal.
She doesn't need to be invited to every birthday party.
She doesn't need to look perfect in the picture.
And she certainly doesn't need to become somebody else to deserve love.
Sometimes say:
"I'm proud of you because of who you are."
Not because she accomplished something.
Just because she's her.
The American Academy of Pediatrics also encourages parents to accept children as they are while helping them feel good about who they're becoming.
Help Her Stop Comparing Her Chapter to Someone Else's
Comparison starts earlier than many of us would like.
Who's faster?
Who's prettier?
Who has more friends?
Who made the team?
Who got the higher grade?
Who has the thing she doesn't?
Remind her that another girl's strengths don't take anything away from hers.
If her friend is a great singer, cheer for her.
If another girl wins the race, congratulate her.
If someone has a talent she admires, let it inspire her.
We want our girls to learn:
Her light doesn't dim mine.
That's a big part of being a Harlyn Rose Girlā¢.
There is room for every girl to shine.
Let Her See You Love Yourself, Too
This one can be hard.
Our daughters hear how we talk about ourselves.
They notice when we criticize our bodies.
They hear when we say we're not smart enough, young enough, thin enough, successful enough, or good enough.
We don't have to model perfect confidence.
We can model something much more useful: self-acceptance in progress.
Let her hear:
"I'm proud of myself."
"I'm still learning."
"I like who I'm becoming."
"I don't need to compare myself to her."
"I deserve to take care of myself, too."
Our girls aren't the only ones allowed to shine.
Make āDifferentā Something Worth Celebrating
The thing she wants to hide today may become the thing she loves about herself tomorrow.
Her hair.
Her name.
Her skin.
Her height.
Her personality.
Her family.
Her interests.
Her story.
The way she thinks.
The way she sees the world.
Don't just teach her to tolerate what makes her different.
Help her celebrate it.
Ask Her This Tonight
Try a little Harlyn Rose Girlsā¢ family ritual.
Ask:
"What are three things you love about being YOU?"
At first, you may hear:
"I don't know."
That's okay.
Help her get started, but don't answer for her.
And make sure at least one answer has nothing to do with appearance or achievement.
Do it again next week.
Over time, you're helping her practice something many adults are still learning:
Seeing goodness in herself without needing someone else to point it out first.
That's What It Means to Be a Harlyn Rose Girl š¹
A Harlyn Rose Girl isn't perfect.
She has awkward days.
Bad hair days.
Hard days.
She makes mistakes.
Sometimes she doubts herself.
Sometimes she needs someone to remind her how incredible she is.
But little by little, she's learning:
I don't have to be like everyone else.
My voice matters.
My differences are part of my story.
I can cheer for another girl and still shine.
I am worthy of love exactly as I am.
Because Harlyn Rose Girlsā¢ isn't simply about what girls wear.
It's about helping create a generation of girls who know who they are, love who they are, and have the confidence to carry that girl into the world.
Love who you are. Celebrate who you're becoming. And never be afraid to shine your light. āØ
I'm a Harlyn Rose Girlā¢. š¹
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